I will tell what the book taught to me from tapes to tapes.
Tape 1., Side A.:
In the first sentences we get to know what this story is about. One of our main characters, Hannah Baker committed suicide. She left behind tapes, she recorded the reasons, what led her to her fatal choice. Who listened to these tapes was one of the reasons. We see the story by Clay Jensen's point of view. The book was written a bit confusingly, you have to pay attention when you read it, because once it's Hannah, once it's Clay who is speaking. When they listened to the tapes, they have to send them to the next "reason". If one of them wants to destroy the tapes, Hannah makes things clear: she left behind copies of the tapes, which were at a secret person's place. There was a map to the tapes too, which showed the places Hannah was talking about.
First love. We all remember of it, right? Because we can't forget about our first love...when you first feel something else, something good and bad and infuriating and beautiful. A beautiful chaos. When you are too childish for love. When you are blinded by the pink fog. Hannah's first reason was that too. Or the chaos, the disappointment what it caused. Why does it make boys happy to blow up or to rewrite a story? Why can't they think that the girl, who is in their story, maybe will go through a really deep wound? Because of them? Maybe because they are too childish. They want to be cool. But trust me boys, normal girls don't want it. Not a yob, always-want-to-be-in-the-middle type of egoistic boy. They want a MAN, who can value what he has, and what he gets. A man they can count on. Just like Hannah broke down because of the idea what her first love made about her by a gossip, every girl break down, even if they don't show it. Don't play with girls! Respect each other! And... Grow up boys!
As I always do, I have to write something personally in this theme. Let's see what my first love was like. Thanks God, not like this. We really loved each other. He didn't gossip about me. The only mistake the jealousy was in this relationship. He was really jealous at everybody. But...it wasn't the reason why we broke up. He was the one who broke up with me saying that he felt like this wasn't love anymore... Thinking back of it, we were too childish for a serious relationship. But it still left a deep scar in me. Seriously, what am I waiting from my sensitive soul? After all, he was my very first love. :) And I didn't repent any minute I spent with him.
Tape 1., Side B.:
Teenage girls usually go through a really bad situation, where boys mention their "good body parts". It wouldn't be a bad thing just to mention them...the tone is in their actions, because they usually touch these body parts too. Of course, even when the girls don't want it. It also makes me think, that boys play with girls, like they would be some kind of stuffs. Like girls wouldn't feel anything. Hannah went through this whole situation because of a list, which was made by one of her friends. A Best/Worst list. Even the girl was on the Best side, it still effected on her soul, you know, the aftermath. Boys thought they had the right to experience why that part of Hannah's body was on the Best side of the list.
In primary school, boys groped me many times, even though I didn't want it. To be exact, one boy started it, and after him the other boys thought they also had the right to grope me. I remember, I was always afraid to stand up from the chair, or go somewhere.
The only conclusion I want to draw, that we can't let them do it. We have to talk back, stand up for ourselves, or for our friends. After all, it also leaves a deep scar in people, mostly in girls.
Tape 2., Side A.:
Everybody has a best friend, right? At least a kind of friend, who - you think - you can count on. With whom you can share your problems. And what happens, when this friend doesn't believe in you, when this friend listens to a gossip about you? Sure, your soul gets hurt. Hannah's third reason was a person, who she thought about as her friend. With whom she liked talking after school. And what happened? Gossip, backbiting. And even though Hannah tried really hard to prove her truth, it was useless. Maybe it was easier for this friend to accept what the others said. Sad. It is really sad to get disappointed in someone, who helped through the day.
I also had a best friend, who hurted me many times. She created gossips about me behind my back, which weren't true. She did it because of a boy, who she loved and who was my friend. I don't have to say how much I cried because of her. I tried to prove that she wasn't right, but I had less and less friends. After all, one day I sat down to learn german for the next day's lesson, and when I opened the book, a letter fell down. From my best friend... an apologetic letter. We made friends again, but this friendship wasn't the same anymore... the scars still stayed.
Tape 2, Side B:
The fourth reason was an unfamiliar theme for me - luckily. Lurking. To be honest, I haven't heard about similar stories in my neigborhood yet. Hannah, one night, when she arrived at home from her date, went in her room and in the silence she heard a camera click. Someone was lurking. Of course I would get scared too. But I didn't understand, why she told it to one of her classmates who she didn't talk with much. But the lesson we can learn from it, that boys, don't ruin the girl's self-respect with some kind of childish things, like lurking.
In everyone's life appears a person at least once, who wants to be friend... then later, you found out that she or he had a reason, right? Sadly, there are fake friends in the world. Who needs you, when they need something. A job what they can get for sure if you talk with the right person... a criminal case, what you can smooth over because you have police officer friends... or maybe money, when they are out of them. There could be many reasons why a fake friend wants to be around you.
A fake friend found Hannah, because she wanted a drive home from a party in the book. And yeah, we can say "It's not a big deal.", but if we think about it a little more: once one of our acquaintances - or kind of friend - appears in our lives, asks how we are, of course kindly, more modest than usual, and enquiringly. That's the reason people start to open up immediately, to believe that there is someone who really cares. People start to hope, that there is someone who they can count on... until this someone says something like "It would be so great if you could drive me to the party tonight". And then we fell on our faces. At least the ones, who already met fake friends. So to a girl, like Hannah, it really did matter that she had someone she thought about as a friend...and this friend used her. What an ugly phrase: just used her. You know, fake friends, you really ruin your partner's soul when you use them and don't wanna be their real friend. You have to care about them too, not just with yourselves.
Clay meets his old love on the bus, and he says something really thought-provoking statement in his mind: "Why does she insist on being an outcast? What changed? No one knows. One day, at least it seemed that fast, she just stopped wanting to be a part of anything." Yes, that is what happens to someone, when too much bad things come.
"And then…well…certain thoughts begin creeping around. Will I ever get control of my life? Will I always be shoved back and pushed around by those I trust?" The same thoughts have been in my mind too, not once. But... no talking about me. As I wrote down at the previous tape, after all the bad things people start to hope to find someone, who can help to fix their lives. Who doesn't believe in rumours, who wants to know their real self. That was the reason why Hannah accepted the date, what we can hear about in that tape... she thought, she might get a chance to disprove those rumours about her. But how could she disprove it, when her partner wanted to date with her because of the rumours? So we can totally understand the quoted part from the girl.
How could someone be full of happiness, when the only thing that comes is disappointments?
You know, when you see that there is something wrong with someone, if her or his attitude to things changes, for example less talking, lot of thinking, talk to them. Even when they don't want to. Make them feel, that there is someone they can count on. Make them feel that it's unnecessary to think about stupid things. Remind them, that life is valuable, they can't just throw it away. Don't be afraid of telling if we like something in someone, like hair, or the new shoes. Because when someone doesn't have self-confidence, these little things will help them to see the world better.
It's important to know, that if someone is capable of suicide, doesn't know it. It crosses their minds, what is more, they also think about it, but not seriously. At least, until the fatal thought. Maybe Hannah wouldn't get to the last thought, if this boy doesn't break her self-confidence more. Maybe if she gets those cheering messages, she would change her mind.
It's an unfamiliar theme for me again: Hannah writes poems secretly, but one day she shares this secret with one of her classmates, thanks to a poetry group. The boy stole Hannah's poem, and published it in his newspaper, anonymously. Hannah has to go through how her classmates make a game of her emotional world - because a poet speaks through her/his poems - and it leads more to her breaking down.
We get to know the secret person, who owns the copies of the tapes in this chapter. It was really surprising for me, I didn't think of that person could be connected to Hannah. Also, we finally arrived to our Clay's tape.
"And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything…affects everything." If someone gets too much pain in life, it's getting harder and harder to hope. But, as we know, hope never dies. We hope, that there is someone to save us. Hannah saw that life-saver in Clay. An opporunity to give life a try. But sadly, this opportunity came too late. We can ask, that how can we help to someone if that someone doesn't want us to help? That's not an option. Every single person want help, even when they don't want to admit it even to themselves. Why does someone become depressed, gloomy, negative? Because she or he thinks, that there isn't anyone in her or his life, who wants to help, who wants to listen. Don't give up communication! Remember of what reasons could lead them to this attitude. Don't leave them alone, because it isn't sure that they can reach the willpower to save themselves. Because everyone has that willpower, you just have to find it, reach it.
What happens when the victim becomes the viewer? When the one, who got so bad in life sees something bad happening to someone else? And what if she could do something against it, she could stop it, but she doesn't do it? Another reason for collapsing. Another reason for not wanting to live. You can say, that why should we help someone, who needs help, but when she should give help she doesn't do it? It is people's stupidity, stubbornness. Who cares, what she would do? What does matter to me to help someone who isn't so strong like me. Speaking about Hannah, this huge thing really has an effect on her life. There is someone else, who also sees the "story", but since the book goes by Hannah's perspective, we don't get to know how this thing affects on that person's life.
"But to stop it, I felt like I’d have to stop the entire world from spinning. Like things had been out of control for so long that whatever I did hardly mattered anymore.And I couldn’t stand all the emotions anymore. I wanted the world to stop…to end."
The next story is really movie-alike, not so similar to the others. A car accident, what happens because of Hannah and her classmate's irresponsibility. A death just broke more on the girl's soul. It could happen in real life too. Luckily, it hasn't happened to me yet.
Tape 6, Side B:
I'm getting to be more sure about boys seeing girls as some kind of game. They think they can do anything they want to, and when the girl wants or doesn't want to do something, they ask: why?
In this tape we met a really serious theme. Rape. I could never ever imagine, how can be someone so dick (respect for the boys, who couldn't do this), to do so disgusting thing to girls. DISGUSTING. And for those, who read the book, it might seem like Hannah let him do it, and maybe you think it doesn't count as a rape, I would like to say that you have to see behind the actions. Hannah was crying. A boy, who cares about the girl too, respects what the girl wants, if he sees the girl crying, he won't force to make love. So yes, it was rape. And it also shows, how much we are afraid of helping each other.
Tape 7, Side A:
The last tape... a request for help. I think who thinks about suicide, doesn't admit it, but tries to get help from every way. And she does the last step, when she doesn't get help from anywhere. In this part, the counsellor says Hannah to move on. Of course, this is the solution. But for a person, who went through that much, how would it be so simple to move on? Just like that? No. It will never be that easy..
Lesson: if we have someone in our lives, who has that kind of weak soul, be there for them! Encourage them that life is beautiful, don't lie to them. But the most important is: give them lots of love and caring. Don't make them feel they have to fight with this feelings alone. Don't make them feel, that life only has bad stations. And trust me, if we can help those people, our lives will be much better too.
And now, for those who thinking about it: I know, it's hard to say anything that could help to change your point of view. I don't want to list positive statements and quotes, because although it is hard to admit, but I am also a really weak soul. But - and I'm really proud of it - I managed to beat myself. There isn't impossible, trust me. You all have to fight constantly... even when there isn't anyone who wants to help. Or look for someone, who can be there for you, when you need someone. And if you are really interested in that thought, think about what you would leave behind. Would you really do it to your friends? Your relatives? Your parents? Would you really do it even when it could make one of your relatives go crazy? The risk to kill himself or herself? No, you surely don't want it.
So, if there isn't anyone else, help yourself. Beat yourself! Because, I repeat, anything is possible.
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